Lazy and disorganised.

Two things. I am perceived to be quite lazy, and unorganised. Why these two things though? Let’s talk about that.

The antisocial may understand the framework which underlies social constructs, norms, emotions, rules – everything socially constructed that makes us human. However, no neural paths are formed within the antisocial brain between these mental concepts and internal-behaviour-driving-mechanisms (IBDM). It is important to understand that the ability to be able to behave in the way you want must be internally wired to IBDM’s in order to function – otherwise it can become very difficult.

People refer to will-power as a conscious mental drive. And it’s true, IBDM’s can be aided by a conscious-behaviour-driving-mechanism (CBDM). I wouldn’t try Googling any of these terms by the way, they’re made up. Anway, the CBDM is the conscious mental ability to motivate a desired behaviour by arousing the IBDM. It’s simply your conscious mental efforts to do or act in the way you want or believe you should.

There are two IBDM’s, one of the main IBDM’s is fueled by the emotional centre of the brain – which can be problematic to the antisocial when it comes to getting things done. Emotional motivation can play a crucial role in fulfilling tasks such as going to work, going to school, cleaning the house, washing the car, finding a job, tidying your bedroom, organising and structuring your day efficiently, washing the dishes, maintaining personal hygiene, meeting deadlines, etc. These are all social constructs and norms – not at all an innate impulsive desire. Innate impulsive desire’s is the other IBDM – the only thing an antisocial like myself has to drive my desired behaviour. the antisocial just like any other person has desires, urges, and impulses built into them which help guide behaviour. These drivers were handed down to us via genetics and have limited capabilities in the modern world which is driven mostly by social constructed goals – more long term goals.

Sticking to a social task for prolonged period of time is simply not what our genes wanted from us – for the most part. As the antisocial is simply a primal version of the more emotionally evolved brain, it only has a certain set of tools to work with – just one IBDM. For regular people, the ability to tie emotional information to behaviour is what allows them to achieve long term socially constructed goals and tasks: Saving money, working, studying, sticking to schedules, organising and planning your life, forming long term relationships, maintaining consistent daily schedules, creating lifestyle balance, maintaining productivity and diet, starting and finishing things on time, and fulfilling other long-term expectations or norms.

Impulsive urges and desires can only help so much in such complex and long-term behaviours such as those listed above. Antisocial’s such as myself who have a deep mental desire of wanting to fulfil these societal norms and expectations find themselves in a difficult position – our mental desires do not arouse the much needed emotional motivation IBDM. Without this natural driving device I find myself struggling to make connections between desire and action/behaviour.

As a normal human you probably don’t realise that for the most part a lot of things are driven by IBDM’s – your will-power is more an aid which jumps in here and there to stimulate the IBDM – it consciously guides you to behave in the way which you want, need, or should be. As an antisocial however, it’s almost as if my conscious mind is dragging along a reluctant child at a shopping mall. A child prone to tantrums, uncanny behaviour, and an overall lack of concern for any of the instructions my conscious mind gives it.

Have you ever had to do some type of boring, drawn-out, mind numbing task? Something that takes all your will-power to keep you moving from one boring minute to the next? Well that’s how the antisocial can feel all the time – with everything.

Interestingly, I even find it very difficult to stick to long term goals relating to my own personal hobbies and interests – even this blog – something I adore and use as both therapy for myself and a way in which to explore my professional interests. Being able to stick to ANY long-term social task is simply a wire left unplugged on the antisocial brain

Some people can be lazy just because, well, they just can’t be bothered. But the antisocial is simply someone who is not wired to function in our society – and so this can come across as lazy, unorganised, or even unnatural. Day-to-day I find myself tired, worn out, and drained because I am constantly trying to push myself to do what other people can do almost effortlessly on a subconscious level. At times I can feel what can only be described as a lack of connection between “mental desire” and “overt behaviour”. This problem usually results in an overbearing amount of mental strain being needed to fulfil basic long-term tasks.

The other IBDM however – that works just fine. There is no such disassociation between “impulsive desires” and “overt behaviour”. This works almost in the opposite – this drive can be very challenging to suppress. Impulsive desires, urges, and drives are something you will notice about the antisocial via their overt behaviour. But impulsiveness is built into ALL of us, so why does the antisocial become so destructive, untamed, and poorly regulated within society? Well, It’s because both IBDM’s impact overall behaviour. It’s that “impulsiveness” and “emotional motivators” come together in a meaningful way before instructing an overt behaviour to take place. Each and every human behaves and acts differently because of their personalised connection between both IBDM’s and their CBDM.

While it may be easy to see the antisocial as lazy, unorganised, and uninterested in being productive, well-mannered, polite, friendly, and moral, there is certainly a lot more to understand to fully appreciate what is at work underneath the surface.

EKMO

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