The Inner Workings

Disorders such as ASPD can lead to many different outcomes throughout life. Some outcomes are better than others, while others are worse than most. The only certainty from case to case is that each and every individual who has ASPD will carry their own unique set of characteristics and traits. ASPD personality outcomes depend heavily on how the environment has helped to shape it.

This page aims to give insight to my audience on the antisocial mind, but furthermore, I aim to share my personal experiences. For this to be done correctly there needs to be an awareness of the difference between two things – information concerning the antisocial mind and information concerning the personal experiences of someone with ASPD. As I will be giving you both personal information and general information, it will be up to the reader to distinguish which information is specific to my case and what information seems more general.

I’ve mentioned before that I never realised my brain didn’t work the same as everyone else’s. Some may wonder how this can be when a lot of what goes on inside my head is considered to be pure evil. If the law extended to our natural urges, impulses, thoughts, and desires, then l would be locked away for life or disposed of by society indefinitely. The thing is, wouldn’t everyone? I think this question really exemplifies a key dilemma throughout the developmental stages of the antisocial mind.

You see, the lines tend to blur when you grow up knowing that everyone else commits ‘thought crimes’. As someone who was taught to be a good person just like everyone else, I will behave how I am meant to, and so does everyone else. But because the ASPD brain is extremely efficient at analysing people and their personalities (to be discussed in a separate post), we are quick to realise everyone is hiding many serious flaws. The ASPD mind is quick to distinguish between people’s true nature and their mask. It’s not that all individuals hide their inner evil, it’s more so that every human is flawed regardless of the person they choose to be in society. And so with this in mind, the ASPD mind understands quickly that we are all hiding a ‘true identity’, or so it thinks so.

What the ASPD mind doesn’t know (or at least, for me it did not) is that this is not how everyone else’s brain functions. While Immoral and criminal thoughts, feelings, and urges are natural to an extent, they are nowhere near as severe to the average person. Secondly, any urge to act on these feelings are usually not so intense. This is contrary to my most evil urges, which take much mental focus and discipline to manage. It is important to understand that while these urges are extremely intense, there is no way for me to know this. As I have never been able to feel urges, desires, and thoughts from the perspective of another person, my concept of “intense” is limited to only what I feel.

You see, even when the antisocial brain is raised within a healthy environment, it fails to understand itself for what it is. This notion may be tough to grasp, so I will use an example:

‘Adam has always been a heavy child, ever since he can remember he has been either fat or chubby. Now at the age of 23, Adam weighs over 100KG and is quite used to always lugging around the extra weight – after all, it’s a part of who he is. Adams brain is well adapted to his body, but if you were now able to take Adam’s brain and place it within the body of a well-built personal trainer who weighs 70KG, what would happen?’

I argue that Adam can only appreciate and understand his weight problem fully once he enters the body of the personal trainer. And even in this example, Adam can identify his issue prior to this because of very obvious physical traits – something I could never do. From an outsiders perspective, my diagnosis may seem obvious once you pick my brain a little, but for someone who ‘lives and breathes’ ASPD, it can be extremely difficult when it comes to first realising you have it. For me it took 25 years, how crazy is that?


3 thoughts on “The Inner Workings

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  1. Wow (again)! This really opens up my eyes. Yes, of course I do think bad- thoroughly terrible- thoughts, at times. I really try hard to control them, unless I am angry at a person (then I try a little less hard).

    But yes, I do understand that you would not be able to understand that your behavior, or inner-workings, are different from anyone else’s if you had no way to compare. This makes sense.

    From what I have heard, a Sociopath can differentiate between right and wrong, but simply doesn’t care. But, a Psychopath cannot differentiate (anyway, this is what I have read, but don’t know for sure).

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks!

      And yes from what i believe the sociopath is aware and the psychopath isnt. Its difficult to categorize because while i am aware of most my bad habits, i am also completely unaware at times. Many things i do im still discovering.

      And yes its all very interesting! I hope this new “inner workings” series can help others see from our point of view in a non-theatrical manner.

      Liked by 1 person

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