As a child I was taught well by my parents. Manners, discipline, work ethic, empathy, all the good stuff. Lots of love, care, compassion and dedication went into shaping me. The one thing I always knew since I can remember is that it’s extremely difficult to be a good person. In fact, the amount of mental strain and discipline it takes to be a good person is insane. It’s as if we all have this evil monster within us that doesn’t think or act or feel in ways that make us a ‘good person’. That’s just normal. And while I lie and manipulate people most times without noticing, we all do that. We all hide it but we all try to be good people because we are taught how to be good and that’s how life works. That’s how life works, right?
See, maybe I should have questioned myself more throughout my childhood. But then again, how was I to know? My thoughts and urges – as disturbing, evil, deceitful, cruel, and criminal as they were and always have been – they were all I ever knew and felt. After all, you only have yourself as a frame of reference . And as a child who didn’t know that everyone else didn’t function the same way, I was completely oblivious to any dysfunctional patterns of thought and behaviour. No kid thinks that they are a psychopath, or a sociopath, or that the way in which they think is incorrect. I never even shared these thoughts with others – I feared I’d be locked away or taken to some clinic, but mostly I just thought it was normal and that people simply never spoke of such evils. I just thought, ‘the way my brain works is the same as everyone else’s brain. We all hide these powerful and immoral thoughts and urges, we all have to lead this double life’.
The issue is, my genes are a set of instructions, and my set of instructions are very old and outdated. So old that they are no longer relevant. My genetic make-up is perfect for the natural world. It’s aggressive, dominant, and manipulative. It comes across as cold and heartless but would have thrived in a world before humans. And that’s the issue with the ASPD genetic make-up, they seem to be superior genes yet also ancient genes. Genes that carried mankind to where it is today, but now that we are here, man is done with us. It’s nothing personal, it’s just growth, its progress. It’s not natural selection, but systematic man-manufactured-selection facilitated by law, social structure, and moral compasses. As a high functioning individual with ASPD, I know how mentally difficult it can be to function in this society. It’s a constant effort that causes major depression, anxiety, and other mental health dysfunctions.
Around 3% of men within our species still carry this genetic make-up. This percentage is much higher within the prison system (around 30% in America; 1 in 3), but more importantly would have been much higher within the general population going back thousands of years. It has taken over two million years for these traits to be carved out of our genetic make-up, a slow and painful show of evolution and natural selection. It is only within the last few hundred years where systematic man-manufactured-selection has helped reduce our numbers significantly.
I’ve always had a soft-spot for the antisocial brain. Because I don’t view it for what it is at all. I don’t associate it with a disorder. When you function in this way, you don’t exactly view it as a problem. What I find the issue to be is the interaction between my personality and the environment built around me. Our manufactured-social world is not the environment my genes were made for. You see for me it feels as if I have been forced into conditions in which I cannot function and never even wanted to be in anyway. The antisocial is simply an animal that’s struggling in unnatural environmental conditions.
Ultimately, natural selection has run its course for humans. For a species like us to continue its own growth, a natural step was always going to take place. And with that natural step, came the beginning of an extinction. The extinction of people like me – genes we no longer require – a natural step forward for humanity.