You are lying to yourself and it is okay – The Bubble Theory

I mentioned the “bubble” in a previous entry. I think it is important to understand what the bubble is and its place in the world, and how it is both flawed and also necessary to the human. The bubble helps maintain a relaxed internal state – something that the mind needs in order to be at an ultimate peace.

First you must understand identity, because identity is the reason humans need the bubble. Everything we have ever experienced, learned, loved, lost, cared for, respected, earned, destroyed, and understood contribute to an overall identity. Our self-identity is how our mind views our personality and its place within the context of its environment. This is ultimately a mental system which is always connected to you via a meaningful and symbolic emotional and intellectual bond.

Identity is a concept that we adopt because it makes us unique. Why does the human desire uniqueness? Because the mind is always hungry for a higher form of enlightenment. A deep symbolic desire that allows you to feel a sense of meaning and purpose in the world. The brain needs meaning and purpose. And so the mind forms a meaningful and symbolic representation of itself, one that comes at a cost. Because now you must behave, think, feel, and react in ways that show case this identity. The identity which could be viewed as a set of rules. Rules that you now follow as closely as possible because it is important for the maintenance of a relaxed mental state. Constant validation is needed so that the mind continually feels at ease. Validation in this sense is any action, behaviour, or thought which aligns with the way in which your mind views your personality – it is important that you understand validation with this definition in mind. Because without this validation, the mind does something that most do not even realise, and this is where it gets very interesting.

While we are usually quite capable of acting in accordance with our self-identity (the rules), we are also terrible at it. Whether we realise it or not, we are a walking contradiction of everything we stand for (to some degree). For a few minutes, I challenge you to question your actions in life and compare them to your core beliefs, ideals, and moral standard. You must think really deeply when you do this, think about overall patterns in behaviour and the way you judge every single person and our surroundings. How do you act and how do you expect everyone else to act? If a detailed summary of your life could be documented, as well as a detailed summary of your self-identity, how many times could we identify contradictions between your beliefs and morals in comparison to your actual behaviour and thoughts? Thousands. Do you believe it? Well this is where the bubble comes into play.

Your mind needs constant validation. But humans are deeply flawed. We contradict ourselves almost every day in the most basic of ways at the very least. For the mind this becomes problematic, as it needs a relaxed internal state. Contradictions cause disruption and stress to this internal state, but the mind is good at accommodating for such faults. We simply ignore them – the bubble is a system in place that inhibits the conscious mind from registering contradictions. It allows a continuous flow of positive energy within our mind (fuelled by validation) that contributes to the overall health of the brains’ internal state. You may also want to look into “the attribution bias” when considering this train of thought.

We can even test to see what happens when this system is tampered with. This system shows its true importance when you bypass it and give information directly to the conscious mind. An individual who registers their contradicting behaviour can appear visibly distraught. You can almost guarantee that an individual will become defensive, uncomfortable, and perhaps even visibly distressed (in the form of anger or other emotions) when confronted with their own hypocrisy. Once this information enters the conscious mind, it is usually almost instantly met with verbal or mental justifications. Give someone an example of something they do that goes against their core beliefs, and watch what happens. The mind is fragile and here we see its constant need to remain relaxed. It does so by forming a skewed and inaccurate perception of self. This perception is the bubble.

 

11 thoughts on “You are lying to yourself and it is okay – The Bubble Theory

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  1. Apparently I am an anomaly of a human being because this bubble concept is something that drives me nuts about people. I am someone who is brutally honest with myself and with the world about who I am. While I might not completely out myself on all my hypocrisies, I am hyper aware of them all at the conscious level. And I don’t feel that there are many because of the fact that I am aware of them, this is actually something I work on all the time, because hypocrisy is a major issue for me, due to my background (NPD dad and being adopted and living with secrecy and lies in my childhood). If anyone ever confronts me about something, I admit to anything and everything and never try to cover anything up. It is a personal policy I have. If I am called out on something, I make it a priority to work on it. And it drives me crazy that so many people can freely live in such constant hypocrisy. It’s very hard for me to accept that this seems more the norm than who I am.

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    1. This bubble is the cause of a lot of my problems too. I live completely outside this bubble and can quite easily identify and evaluate each and every one of my flaws. See you’re like me – and the way we see outside of this bubble is truly amazing. In fact it can give me a sense of higher underatanding of life.

      The issue is people like us still have to live with people. People who have this bubble. I have close family members who have an extreme case of the bubble which drives me nuts.

      I remain calm on the outside but internally I feel so much frustration day-to-day because it feels like no one else in the world can ever be honest.

      Everyone is too busy lying and manipulating without noticing it. People like us are hypersensitive to these “masks” and also are happy to see their own flaws – making us quite rare. I feel that the way we view ourselves in true honesty really helps make us better people. While this ability is something That I am so so soooo glad I have, it really drives me insane when I see everyone else living “a lie”.

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      1. Wow. So how then would you be classified as ASPD if you have that same mechanism? I thought it would be the opposite? I know that you are unique for an ASPD/cluster b. So do most cluster B’s see hypocrisy in others and not themselves, or do they also see it in themselves but just don’t let on that they do to the outside world? Because I see sooooo much hypocrisy in my NPD dad and that drives me mad. But he is the first one to point it out in everyone else but then lives his entire life in judgment of others while living his entire life in complete and utter hypocrisy. And perhaps that fact has caused me to be hypsenseitive to it more than the average layman would be.

        I do see people better than they see themselves. And it drives people CRAZY. I can point out and uncover things that they hide from themselves. And even when they still continue to lie to me and deny, I know that I know the truth. I’ve eventually been factually proved right too many times to know that even when I can’t factually prove something, that I know when my intuition and instincts are correct. I am glad to have this from the moral standpoint, and it makes me proud of who I am, but it also makes it very difficult to function socially and it makes me feel very lonely, and I’m sure you feel the same. It’s amazing to me how by definition we are opposites (hyper empathetic and lacking empathy) yet certain things we are very similar on. Much like your monks and psychopaths analogy.

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      2. Well, I think to put it simple cluster B is more a spectrum. I honestly think npd and aspd are the same thing – but thats for another post! Haha

        See, you’re right. 95% of npd, aspd people live in the bubble too. I’d say npd people live in that bubble THE MOST.

        I think im a rarity. The fact that I can truly see myself for what I am is not the norm at all. But going even further than that – “truly seeing myself for what I am” can make me an even better monster. Because most of us cluster b’s cannot see our flaws, and then the rest of us who are high functioning enough to understand ourselves – we use this knowledge for evil. Even me. I see and know all my flaws yet have no sense of guilt or empathy about it. Whatsoever. That makes it very easy for me to use my “evil” more consciously and with more accuracy. So even the ones of us who know our disorder, we tend to pretend to live in a bubble which we dont in fact in live.

        By faking it we manipulate “bigger and better”. This is something i struggle very hard not to take advantage of but I do fail.. a lot.

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      3. I used to be a social butterfly when I was younger, but the older I get the more lonely I feel. The more I learn about myself and “fix” myself, the more alone I feel. You are very mature and wise. I am 40 btw.

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      4. I feel the exact same to be honest. I feel in the last 36 months my brain has really gone through substantial changes. I’m not exactly sure what to make of it or how to manage it – it’s like a switch has flicked and my mind is full on all these new interconnected ideas and concept. My mind is processing beyond belief lately and it’s honestly tough to regulate. I’ve come to also learn so much about my self and just like you I find the more I understand, adapt, and grow, the more and more lonely I get. I feel like a person inside a persons head who can’t ever reach outside of my brain and know what it is to feel deep and meaningful relationships anymore. The more I get to know myself the more I realise that I am completely alone.

        I am an “on-and-off life of the party” kind guy. I can be so charismatic and sociable, but as i begin to feel more and more rejected by this world its as if it is also taking away more ability to connect with people and my life in the way I would enjoy. I feel constant deep loneliness.

        I feel we are quite similar in ways, dispite our age gap of 15 years.

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      5. Was there a specific catalyst for you that you know of that began these changes for you? I know for me it has been a bit of a slow progression over time. And interestingly enough, when I found my birth parents and found out exactly how much I am nature instead of nurture, it explained exactly why I am such a conflicted person and feel such a constant dichotomy of dark and light. My birth mother is the rainbow social butterfly optimist and my birthdad is the dark, spider webs and flames, brooding pessimistic hermit. So I have been making a slow transition from mom to dad apparently.

        I feel as though I connect on a deeper and more meaningful level with people I have never met these days. People like you and others I have met since starting this blog. Or people that I was originally nothing more than acquaintences with that I befriended on Facebook and then we have connected and had more meaningful conversation than those I am with on a daily basis in person. My mind is more stimulated by those behind a screen, and I am unsure what that says about me and what that says about choices I might need to make in my life moving forward.

        I enjoy being around people when I do get out, and I too can be charismatic and a life of the party type as well when I do choose to go out and be social. And I do genuinely enjoy it once in a while. And I even need it once in a while. But I have definitely shifted from being an extravert to introvert. I like the new category they have come up with titled ambivert I think it’s called. It definitely describes what I have become. I am extremely outgoing when I am with my students and when I am at get togethers. But when I am at home, I have become very withdrawn and want to be alone as much as possible. This makes my role as mom and wife very difficult.

        It seems hard to find people in the real world that are not shallow. While I might be able to have some meaningful conversations with them, on the whole, their brains and souls seem to be very shallow and simplistic. And small talk has become exhausting to me the more I explore myself and the world.

        I do agree that we seem to be like minded intellectually and the way we process the world/people around us in many ways. Which fascinates me due to the fact that we process emotions in completely opposite fashions.

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